


Survivor's Guilt

by Jade Lara (JadeLaraCreates)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeLaraCreates/pseuds/Jade%20Lara
Summary: Hayley Sphinx was the sole survivor of her family, victims of the hate generated by the Wizarding War. She is taken in by her Aunt and Uncle, the Potters, and is sent to finish her last year of school with her cousin James.Follow Hayley as she navigates her new reality in a war torn world, and as she comes to terms with her loss.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Peter Pettigrew/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

Hayley shivered as she walked between classes, the wind buffeting at her uniform, chilling her to the bone. She jumped as a hand landed on her shoulder. Her hair was blown into her face as she turned to find out who the hand belonged to. The principal was standing there, face screwed up against the wind.

"Miss Sphinx. Can you come with me, please." He inquired, running a hand over his balding head. Hayley nodded her assent, and followed him to his office.

In the warmth of the office Hayley discovered she could breathe easier. She sat in the chair in front of his desk, waiting for him to address the reason he had pulled her aside right before Charms class. Her nerves were rising the longer he took to speak. It rose higher when he started with a sigh, and the words "this isn't easy to say."

"I wish I wasn't the one to have to tell you..." he began, then trailed off and sighed again. "There has been an incident," Hayley felt her mouth go dry, "it appears to have been a hate crime, and as much as we've tried to keep your family's, uh, situation, under wraps, someone has found out. I'm sorry but..." he trailed off again, then steeled himself. "There is no easy way to say it." He said again. "I'm sorry, but, your parents have been killed, your sister alongside them." He finished in a quiet sombre tone, quite flustered. 

Hayley's only response was a sharp intake of breath. She felt as is she had been struck in the stomach, her safety blanket having been torn from underneath her feet. Her world was crumbling. There was a roaring in her ears, and the words coming from the principals mouth sounded like they were underwater. She grasped at straws, desperately trying to make sense of the information, trying to make the words mean anything else, anything but this. She couldn't be the sole survivor, she couldn't have survived her family at all, surely. She just couldn't be alone.

"Is there anyone I could contact for you?" 

"M-my Aunty, Euphemia Potter, only she's in England." Hayley muttered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I'll give her a call at once." Mr Smith responded, walking over to the lit fireplace.

***

Shortly afterwards, Hayley ran into her Aunt's open arms.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. This is so awful!" She cried as she stroked her nieces hair, who wept into her chest. Euphemia Potter was struggling to hold back her own tears, Hayley's mother was her baby sister. Nothing else was said, standing in each others comforting embrace.

Once Hayley pulled away, Euphemia had disappeared into the principal's office, to "discuss adult things", as she had put it. Hayley figured she would be staying with her Aunt and Uncle now. She was almost an adult, 18 next January, but until then a year in England wouldn't be the worst thing, she thought. She wondered if perhaps she could ask to move her education to Hogwarts with her cousin for her final year. She didn't want to be here alone. Sobs wracked her body and she rocked back and forth in her chair, lost once more in her grief.

Hayley had worked so hard to keep their secret, to keep them safe. Though New Zealand had been largely untouched by the war waging in England's wizarding world, some of the nasty ideologies against Muggles and Squibs had leaked into the country. And now it seems, her family had paid the ultimate price for it.

The next week swirled by in muddy colours around her, too lost in her grief to be of much help in the organisation of the funeral. Even her favourite cousin, James couldn't bring her out of it. In between the flashbacks of relived memories, were flashbacks of when they'd gone through this before, with her other cousin, murdered for being a Muggle sympathiser.

The day of the funeral dawned, a grey overcast day, though the wind and rain had ceased. Fitting weather, James thought. He wiped away the tears as he walked down the hall to collect his cousin. Peering through the door he found her in a ball on her bed, wordlessly staring at the wall. His heart clenched seeing her like that. It wasn't that long ago that he'd been like that. He wiped another tear from his eye before entering her bedroom.

***

"Hayley dear!" Euphemia Potter began, her niece sat across the living room from her, cradling a cup of coffee. "How would you feel about transferring to James' school in September? I've already spoken to the headmaster about it, and he'll have you if you would go."

It was a week after the funeral, and the girl had come out of her shell a little. Becoming a little accustomed to her new reality.

"I've been meaning to ask you about that." Hayley said, leaving it at that.

"Good, I'll make the proper arrangements." Euphemia said after drinking the last of her own coffee. "I assume you already know the next thing I'm going to ask. Would you like to come stay with us then, at our home, you can decorate your bedroom however you like, and we've got our dear boy Sirius living with us too now, so you wouldn't be alone. Of course you can stay here if you would prefer."

"No, I'd like to come stay with you, thank you Aunt Phe." Hayley said, setting down her coffee cup. "When would we go?"

"Whenever you are ready, dear." Her Aunt replied gently.

"Now." bit.

"Now? Are you sure?" The response shocked Euphemia a bit.

"Yes, I'm already packed, James helped me." Her niece said pointing to the corner of the room where she had several suitcases.

"Sure thing, let me go get my things." Euphemia said, standing up. Hayley flicked her wand at the soiled mugs, and sent them to the kitchen where they began cleaning themselves.

***

"Your room is just in there." Fleamont Potter said, pointing to a door in the corridor. Hayley followed directions, and found herself in one of the guest bedrooms, her room now. The room had a queen bed in it, with a pretty duvet on it, a desk under the window, a set of drawers, and two doors on one wall. She began to unpack right away. She poked her head through one door, and discovered a wardrobe.

"Perfect." She murmured, turning around to grab the things that needed to be hung up. She jumped as she discovered a boy had snuck into her bedroom and was now sprawled across the bed. He had brown hair, that was a little shaggy and grey eyes. He seemed familiar, she had definitely seen him before. However she knew him straight away, for her Aunt had spoken of him. This was Sirius Black, James' best friend who lived with the Potters.

"Sirius! Leave her be!" A stern voice came from the doorway, where a frowning James was standing.

"Aww, but I wanted to introduce myself!" Sirius whined.

"No need for that. We've met, last Christmas." Hayley laughed. "But if it's introductions you want. Hi, I'm Hayley." She crossed the room and offered a hand to shake.

"Sirius." He took her hand and shook it.

"Pleasure to meet you. Now get out! No boys allowed!" Hayley finished the encounter, walking to the door to close it behind him. Once the boys were gone she sighed and collapsed on her bed, allowing the familiar waves of grief to wash over her.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next month Hayley slowly started to move forward with her new life. She woke up earlier, and no longer stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling. She had less trouble falling asleep at night. She even found she was experiencing less bouts of crying. And of all the improvements, she found this one to be the best. Her eyes had started to sting from all the tears, and felt raw underneath from where she had been rubbing them. One thing she just couldn't adapt to was the weather, it was all backwards here. Back in New Zealand it was winter, but here, it was summer. Maybe one day she'd get used to it.

The day that she finally decided that it was time to accept her lot, and begin to move forward was the day James and Sirius took her into Diagon Alley to go shopping. They hadn't yet received their Hogwarts letters, so it was a trip just for fun. The boys were going for the sole purpose of checking out the latest merchandise in their favourite Quidditch shop, and Hayley decided to tag along to get out of the house.

As the boys debated the pros and cons of their favourite broomsticks, Hayley decided to take a walk outside. She'd been to Diagon Alley only once before, and that had been as a child with her family. The street was bustling with all sorts of activities, families with small children, groups of teenagers enjoying their summer break, and even a few young couples. Though the scene was vibrant and busy, there was an overarching air of anxiety, and the static of nervous energy as if everyone was holding their breath. Parents showed the telltale signs of worry, with creases lining their faces, keeping their children close, never more than at an arms length away, wands at the ready. Young people were on the alert as they wandered the street. The toll of war was showing. 

Hayley made a stop at the ice cream shop, and sat out front of the store, watching the families with a tinge of envy. She sent out a prayer that none of them would know her sorrows.

***

She found herself drawn to one of the pet shops that dotted the alley way. Unable to resist the call of adorable animals she went inside. The smell immediately enveloped her like a warm hug, nothing could cheer her up like a cute critter. There seemed to be trend in the types of animals within the store, cats, toads and owls. Cats of course had long been considered witches familiars, and wizards did love some good lore, and adopted the sweet fur balls into their culture. Toads, well no one really knows, and to some extent were also linked to witches in the old lore. And owls being the main form of communication in the magical community, were trained much like homing pigeons which were used by muggles, they were magnificent and a much respected creature.

Hayley stared at these for a while, being from New Zealand, owls were an uncommon sight, though they did have their own equivalent, the moreporks, however they weren't used for communication, instead wizards used the postal system like the muggles. It just made sense for such a small community. 

Next she briefly beheld the toads, slimy wee creatures they were. And finally her eyes landed on the cats. They came in all colours and ages, and were all so cute she wanted to cuddle them all. But one in particular, a sweet, but curious 4 month old kitten who was as black as coal, captured her heart. When she held her for the first time it was like something shifted inside her, and for the first time in a month, she knew everything was going to be alright.

Hayley spent quite some time in the store, carefully selecting all of the supplies she would need for her new fur baby. She sent most of it home ahead of her, and left the store carrying the kitten in a carry cage that was far too big for it like a proud mama.

***

The boys were exactly where she had left them when Hayley caught up with them. To them, Quidditch was all consuming. James glanced across at her with a weird look, the only indication that either of them had realised she was missing. He did a double take as he noticed the carry cage in her hands. 

"What ya got there, Hays?" He asked, finally freeing his attention from the broomsticks he and Sirius had been discussing. 

"A kitten!" She answered brightly, holding the carry cage up higher for the boys to inspect the sleeping little ball of fur snuggled inside. Of which successfully extracted a high pitched "awww" from both of them.

"Jeez Hays, what do you think Mum and Dad are gonna say about it?" James said, shooting a side eyed glance at his cousin. 

"Your mum actually suggested it." Hayley shrugged. "I named her Trixie, after one of the Muggle books I like to read. 

"Shh." Hissed James, glancing all around them suddenly, his hand moving to hover over his pocket where he kept his wand. 

"You know what, it's probably about time to start heading home." Sirius said as he warily stepped towards Hayley. The atmosphere between them had shifted. 

"Yeah, you're right." James agreed, his voice stretched thin. "You first." He nodded at Hayley, who took the hint and apparated home, clutching the carry cage close to her chest.

***

"I'm sorry." Hayley began. The three of them were sitting in the informal living room, watching as Trixie explored her new surroundings. "I should've thought, I'm... I'm not used to this." 

"It's okay, we understand." James assured her, his voice soothing. "It's different in New Zealand. Times here ... well, they're tense, you never know if you're safe, it's better to say nothing, you never know who you can trust anymore."

"It's not too different from home. The ideologies the enemy hold, they've been leaking into magical society there too. It's why they're gone." He shoulders slumped as she said the last part of the sentence, and she began to sob. Nothing else was said, it didn't need to be. They already knew who she was talking about. 

Sirius got up and quietly left the room, James scooted closer to his cousin, put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in so her head was resting on his shoulders. He let her cry, feeling the pain stir in his gut as he did. But he didn't cry, he had to be strong for her. Trixie climbed into Hayley's lap and snuggled there, as if she knew she was needed. Hayley's hand started petting the little creature. 

"I just wish... I just wish that it was me instead of them. It's stupid, I know it is. But I just wish I could have protected them, by being the one to die instead." She said quietly, hoping James wouldn't hear. He did, but he said nothing, feeling he'd only make it worse if he did.


	3. Chapter 3

The time finally came about for the Hogwarts letters to arrive. And this year they carried with them a surprise. 

"You're joking!" A shocked yell came from the dining room, accompanied by a bout of laughter that was both masculine and feminine. Euphemia rounded the corner and entered the room, her curiosity peaked from the commotion. She was greeted with the sight of her son clutching a letter with one hand, and a badge in the other, he was colourless and wore an expression of disbelief. Beside him at the table were the two quivering forms of Hayley and Sirius. Her heart sang at the sight of her niece expressing her amusement, it was a nice change from the mopey teen she was beginning to get used to seeing around the house.

"What is it darling?'

"Mum!" James started, having been too absorbed in the letter he had just received to notice his mother's entrance. "I've been made Head Boy! I can't believe it, I was sure Remus was going to get it." 

"That's wonderful James!" His mother exclaimed. "This better mean you're on your best behaviour this year!" 

"Who's Head Girl this year? I bet it's Lily." Sirius said, recovering from his amusement at James' being saddled with a position of responsibility. He knew his best friend was capable, however James had a history of being quite the prankster, and more often than not, chose fun over being responsible. James blushed at the mention of Lily. 

"Yeah, it's Lily. Maybe this will make her reconsider." James said thoughtfully. He had been pining for his classmate ever since his hormones had kicked in, and she kept pushing him away. She found him far too irresponsible to even consider, or so she claimed.

"Perhaps." Hayley said. "But you've got to stop being such a numskull." This was followed by a short laugh.

Hayley's attention was drawn to her own letter, especially this one being her first and only letter. The letter welcomed her to the school, congratulating her on her successful transfer. At the bottom of the letter was a note. 

Due to the nature, and timing of your transfer, we invite you and your guardians to a meeting on the 20th August, 1977, in Headmaster Albus Dumbledore's office, at 2 pm. Here we will sort you into your new house. Due to your age, we thought it best to sort you ahead of time, as to avoid any potential embarrassment from being sorted with the other new entrants to the school, as they are first years, and you are entering the seventh. 

"I'm to be sorted ahead of time." Hayley summarised, "that's actually quite thoughtful, I was worried, especially when James told me I would be sorted with a bunch of eleven year olds. At least this way, I can buy actual house robes and be prepared." 

Her attention was then drawn to a second piece of paper, this one held a list of school supplies she would need for the year. She was relieved to discover that she had almost everything bar a text book for Muggle Studies, her uniform, and she'd need to replenish her potions supplies. 

***

Hayley's insides were tangled up in knots. Her Aunt and Uncle were deep in conversation with the Headmaster of Hogwarts, having once known him at this school as a teacher. Hayley tuned into their conversation, and it appeared the discussion was about James, and his recent appointment to Head Boy. 

"I know that if he is held accountable for some responsibility within the school, he can pull his head in and graduate strongly." Professor Dumbledore was saying. 

"I quite agree." Uncle Fleamont chipped in. Hayley cleared her throat, a small reminder that she was still there, and why they were here.

"Ah yes, Hayley, we should get on to the reason we're here." Professor Dumbledore said, changing the subject. "I was so sorry to hear about your family." 

"Thank you, sir." Hayley said, taking a steadying breath and trying to shake off the feelings of anxiety. 

"Now, as I'm sure you've been told, here at Hogwarts we have houses, each representing qualities that we see represented in the school. Your house is your team, your accomplishments help further your house points, and if you get into trouble, diminishes them. I'm sure you've heard all about Gryffindor, we've had a long history of Potters in Gryffindor. But to summarise, Gryffindor is about bravery, daring, nerve and chivalry. Hufflepuff is about hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty and fair play. Ravenclaw is about intelligence, knowledge, and wit. And last, but not least is Slytherin, who is about ambition, cunning, and resourcefulness." As he was speaking, Professor Dumbledore retrieved a hat that was singing in low tones. "This is the Sorting Hat, once I place it on your head, it will evaluate which house you belong in." As the hat was placed on her head it stopped singing and started talking instead.

"Born of two Squibs, eh." The voice said in her ear. "Interesting. Hmm, I think it's pretty clear you belong in Gryffindor!" At the word Gryffindor, the Potters faces lit up. 

"Welcome to Gryffindor!" Aunt Euphemia said, sweeping her niece into her arms as the hat was lifted off of her. Hayley was vaguely aware that the hat had begun it's singing again.

"Congratulations, Miss Sphinx. We will see you on September first for the feast." Albus Dumbledore said with a small bow.

***

The following day Hayley found herself back in Diagon Alley with James and Sirius, though this time they were accompanied by Euphemia and Fleamont Potter. The mission was to be fully prepared for the school year by the end of the day. Sirius and James were practically bouncing off the walls in excitement, as today they were meeting up with their two closest friends. The Potters had decided that this summer they wouldn't have the two other boys over to give Hayley the most breathing room possible after the incident. James and Sirius had respected this, and had gone one further and stayed at home the entire time, so that James could be there for his cousin. 

The family arrived after breakfast at The Leaky Cauldron, the local inn that marked the border between the wizarding sector and the Muggle world. Immediately they were ambushed by two boys. One was tall, thin and looked a tad sickly. The other was shorter and stocky, but was very enthusiastic to see his two friends for the first time all summer. Introductions were made to Hayley, the taller boy was Remus Lupin, a Gryffindor prefect this year, and the shorter one Peter Pettigrew. 

The boys went their own way to purchase their school supplies, and to catch up, leaving Hayley with her Aunt and Uncle. She was grateful for this, as she didn't know how much socialising she would be able to handle. Despite having only recently eating breakfast, the elderly couple took a table by the door, and Hayley sat down with them.

"Now dearie," Aunt Euphemia began, "we've taken it upon ourselves to write to the Head Girl, Lily Evans to meet us here today. She is also in Gryffindor, and we were told you would be sharing a dormitory with her. She is a lovely girl, and I'm sure you've heard James raving on about her. She was close friends with our Kenzie, before her passing. We thought it might help to know at least one of your female classmates before you start at school, to make your transition easier. She's going to take you shopping for your things, try not to run into the boys, I'm sure the last thing she wants is your cousin hanging about."

"Oh, there she is!" Uncle Fleamont announced. Hayley looked up and noticed a girl her age with long red hair weaving between the tables heading in their direction. 

"Hi Mr and Mrs Potter!" She said with a smile. "It's nice to see you again." 

"Nice to see you again too, Lily!" Euphemia responded. "This is our niece, Hayley, the wrote to you about. Go on now, do take care to avoid the boys, and we'll meet back here at say, three o'clock?"

"Sure thing, see you at three." Lily kissed the Potters on the cheek, and offered a hand to Hayley, who shook it.

"It's nice to meet you, Lily, shall we get going?" Hayley stood up and followed Lily out into the street.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning of the first of September dawned an unusually warm day, at least to Hayley who was used to freezing temperatures at this time of year. The alarms chirp was too cheerful, and as a result ended up the unfortunate victim of being thrown against a wall. Feeling immediate guilt, she fixed it with a repair charm, then set about her morning routine. She scooped Trixie's litter, showered and got dressed. She then double checked that she had packed everything before charming her trunk to float behind her as she carried Trixie in her cage to the front door. The poor dear had been playing all night and had tuckered herself out, now she was sleeping soundly buried in her pile of blankets.

Breakfast this morning was pancakes, and Hayley would be damned if she let the boys eat them all. She made her way to the dining room and seated herself at the tables seconds before the boys came sprinting in, nearly crashing into the dining room table in their rush.

"Pancakes! Pancakes!" They started to chant, as the family's house elf entered the room carrying three large stacks of pancakes, the boy's eliciting an eye roll from Hayley. Apparently pancakes were a first day of school tradition, and this being the final year, things in the kitchen had really been amped up. There were all of the toppings one could wish for with pancakes, and 3 different types of pancakes. All of which were equally delicious. By the time the family had eaten their fill it was almost time to head off.

"I'm so proud of all three of you, and I hope you do wonderful things at school this year!" Euphemia announced, hugging each of the teens one after another.

***

Platform Nine and Three Quarters was crowded, loud and smoky, and if Hayley had to be honest with herself, she was finding it all to be overwhelming. There were easily ten times the amount of students on the platform than there had ever been at her school. New Zealand was a small enough country on it's own, let alone the magical community, that was just a mere drop of the population.

Up and down the platform were friends reuniting, and families preparing to say their final goodbyes until the next summer, or at least until Christmas. Shortly after arriving, Remus and Peter had chanced upon them, and now their families were all standing around in a large group. Sirius suddenly ducked his head and hid behind Hayley, who was definitely not the best person to conceal a larger human.

"There's my family," he hissed, "standing there with my brother." The Potters faces all went cold, and a bewildered Hayley scanned the crowd. She spotted a three person family, two parents and a teenager not much younger than them. The boy looked vaguely like a memory of Sirius, clearly the family resemblance ran strong in the Black family. She tried to search her brain for a name. Regulus! That was it. 

***

The whistle on the train blew, and suddenly it was time to say the final goodbyes. Hayley found herself clinging to her Aunt a little longer.

"Have a good year child, good luck, and write whenever you can, I'll make an effort to always respond." Was whispered in her ear. Then she followed Sirius into the train. James had gone a different way as he was expected in a meeting with all the prefects.

Sirius counted the compartments as they passed, it seemed as if he was looking for one in particular. Finally he stopped and slid a door open, peering inside he was satisfied that no one had gotten to their usual haunt before them. He put his trunk into the luggage rack, then without asking hefted Hayley's in too before taking a seat. Peter trailed in after them and shut the door.

Hayley opened the door to Trixie's cage and settled the kitten in her lap, stroking the purring form occasionally. A companionable silence fell over the trio, and they remained that way until the door slid open to reveal a witch with a trolley full of food. Trixie was once again stowed away in her cage, and one by one the compartments occupants bought candy and snacks, Hayley buying extra for James, and Sirius for Remus when they got back. 

By the time James and Remus reappeared, Sirius and Peter had disappeared to make mischief, they'd left a disapproving Hayley shaking her head behind. In their absense, Hayley had rifled through her trunk and extracted one of her beloved books, and was in the thick of the adventure. The sound of the door sliding open caused her to jump, looking up dhe saw an approving look in Remus' face, and an inquiring look on James'. 

"The boys said they were going to make trouble with the Slytherins and first years." Hayley said, returning to her book. 

"Typical." A female voice scoffed. Hayley looked up from her book again and peered behind the boys into the corridor and caught a glimpse of red hair. 

"Right, we'll go track them down." Remus said straightening up, and making to turn around. "Lily, here she is!" He called back already marching down the corridor, and dragging James with him. Lily sat down opposite Hayley.

"Hey." She greeted her acquaintance.

"Hi!" Hayley responded, putting her book down. Lily caught a glimpse of the title of the book.

"Oh, I love that one!" She exclaimed. The two girls then spent the remainder of the train ride discussing muggle books, never once noticing that the boys never returned, but James would every so often stop outside in the corridor, and peered in, checking in on them. 

***

It was dark by the time the train was slowing down to pull into the train station. Lily, who had seven years of experience sensed the subtle change in the speed and checked her watch. Time to get ready to unboard. 

"Hey, so we're coming up to Hogsmeade, I've got to go wrangle the first years and take them on the path to the boats, if you come with me, leave your luggage here, Trixie too, they'll be taken up separately, James said he and Sirius would meet up with us so Sirius can take you to the carriages, we'll meet you there." She said as she stood up. "We want to beat the crowds."

Hayley made sure that Trixie was secure in her cage, and followed Lily into the corridor. As they passed the compartments, they could see the students inside becoming increasingly fidgety, as the anticipation grew the closer they got to the station. Lily stopped by one of the doors in the carriage and they braced themselves for the stop. No matter how much they slowed, there was always the inevitable jolt when the final stop came on trains. As the jolt came, the boys came stumbling down the hallway, their steps hurried. Within seconds simultaneously, the boys reached them, and the hallway flooded with students clad in black robes. Lily opened the door with the ease of practiced movement, and they were swept away by the eddying tide of eager students. Sirius grabbed Hayley's arm, making sure they weren't seperated. The rush eased as they came upon a group of carriages. 

Hayley and Sirius claimed one of them, the silence of the carriage was calming to Hayley, who's heart was racing from being in such a large crowd. The dark tendrils of claustrophobia began to recede, she hadn't realised how much bigger crowds would be in a country with a larger population. 

"Thanks." She said once she'd gotten control of her breath. 

"No worries, James was worried you might get freaked out by the crowd, so he asked me to escort you." He responded, relaxing back into the seat with a much more casual air. 

"Yeah, I didn't realise how many people there would be." Hayley pushed her fringe back over her head, the gesture one she employed when she was stressed or anxious. 

"Hey guys!" A voice greeted from the doorway where Remus was climbing up into the carriage, followed by Peter. Hayley looked out of the window and noticed that most of the other carriages had already moved off, she scanned the thinning crowd for James and Lily, Lily's red hair caught her eye first, they were heading towards them from the far end of the platform. 

"It's a much smaller group of first years this year." James remarked as he settled in his seat beside Sirius. Lily closed the door behind her and quickly took her seat beside Hayley as the carriage jerked into motion. 

"I guess parents are scared to be separated from their children. Even though everyone knows that Hogwarts is the safest place under Dumbledore's protection." Remus chipped in. The others nodded. 

"Even my school in New Zealand was experiencing smaller enrollment." Hayley piped up, a little hesitant at first to add in her contribution to the conversation. But her fears were relieved when she was treated as an equal within the group. 

***

Hayley's mouth fell open as she stepped out of the carriage and fully beheld the castle that housed Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was huge, and not only that, but it was stunning. She followed the group through the front doors and into the entrance hall. Her mouth never once closed. She drank in the sights, and made note of four large hourglasses with each of the four house names on them. The Great Hall was a sight to behold. It was larger than any school auditorium that Hayley had ever seen, and it appeared to be set up for a banquet. The staff sat at a long table at the front of the room, and students gathered around four extraordinarily large tables that were arranged in rows across the room. The ceiling didn't appear to exist, though she knew it was only an enchantment, she had heard about it enough times from her cousins. The room was lit with floating candles. She followed her friends wordlessly to one of the four long tables and took a seat between James and Lily. Around her students babbled away excitedly, reuniting with old friends and catching up on the latest gossip and news from the summer. 

Suddenly a hush swept across the hall, and all eyes were fixed on the huge doors that they had passed through not too long ago. A tall witch was carrying a three legged stool, on which was balanced the hat that had sorted Hayley into Gryffindor. She was leading a small army of children, this group was about the size of Hayley's old schools student population. When the group reached the front, she appeared to speak to the students, who gathered in a group, and placed down the stool, she then respectfully took a few steps away.

The hat made a sound as if it was clearing it's throat, if it had one. The whole school trained their eyes on it. And suddenly it began to sing loudly. It was the song Hayley had heard it singing when she had been sorted. The song took ten minutes. It was a very long winded song about the founding of the school, and had then gone on to commentate about the war. 

After the hat had fallen silent, the Sorting began. One by one each student sat on the stool, and were sorted into each of the houses. Hayley said a silent prayer in thanks that she hadn't been sorted in this manner. She would have stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the tiny first years.


	5. Chapter 5

Hayley was exhausted by the time that the feast was over. She had eaten so much good food, she thought she would burst. She was thankful that with this move, food was one thing that wasn't a huge change. Her parents being English, and going to England every year to visit their family, she had been brought up on similar fare to what they had been served tonight.

The table had been stocked with every kind of dinner food you could imagine, and dessert wasn't much different. If anything Hayley was a little sad that she hadn't had the room to try everything, though in saying that there were a few dishes she thought she'd stay far away from.

At the end of the feast, Hayley had been escorted by Sirius and Remus through the dizzying array of passages to the common room, as Lily and James had been tasked with showing the first years to the common room, and once again, Hayley elected not to join them, for fear of sticking out like a sore thumb. Eventually they arrived in a corridor and stopped in front of a rather large portrait.

"Password?" The lady in the portrait asked.

"Godric's Hollow." Remus said, then turned to Hayley. "The theme this year is wizard enclaves." The portrait swung open like a door, revealing a hole in the wall that provided an entrance way into the tower. The students stepped inside, and the portrait closed behind them. The common room was set at the base of the tower, and was a large round room, with windows all around and several fireplaces in between. Dotted around the room were several tables of varying sizes encompassed by chairs, these would be places the students could study during the school year. Also dotted around the room were large red rugs, with comfy lounge sets upon them arranged so that there were several sitting areas the students could gather in. Some were occupied by groups or individuals, though for the most part the common room was empty, most students electing to go straight up to their dormitories. Sirius and Remus led Hayley to one of the sitting areas, where they made themselves comfortable.

"We have to wait for Lily, she'll show you where your dorm is." Remus said, pointing across the room at one of two staircases that branched off in separate directions.

"Yeah, we can't, the girls staircase has a charm on it so it turns into a slide if any boys try to climb it, we've tried flying but it's a bit too tight." Sirius said, a disappointed edge in his voice.

"Well it's good to know that there's at least one safe place from your antics." Hayley said, knowing her cousin well enough to know that he was quite the prankster.

Not too long after their arrival the portrait swung open again, and in marched James and Lily followed by a bunch of first years.

"Alright, welcome to Gryffindor's Common Room!" Lily said, gesturing around the room. "Girls dormitories are up that staircase, and boys up the other. Good night."

The group watched the children file off into the appropriate staircases, then went their own separate ways to their own beds.

Hayley felt as is they had been walking a long time when they finally reached their dormitory. Lily said it was about halfway up the tower, and Hayley felt extraordinarily glad that theirs wasn't any higher. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, she thought, she'd get used to it eventually.

The dormitory was a semicircle shape, the other half of the circle she figured must belong to another dormitory. On the flat wall was a large fireplace, and a door, which lead to a small bathroom containing a shower, and a toilet. On the rounded part of the wall were five beds, each separated by a curtain rail. At the foot of each bed was a trunk, and on several were the cages containing the students pets. There were three other students sitting on their beds, their heads turned as Hayley and Lily walked in. The girls greeted Lily warmly, and shot inquisitive looks at Hayley.

"Everyone, I would like you to meet our newest dorm mate. This is Hayley, and she'll be joining our class this year." Lily introduced. Hayley was met with a chorus of hellos. "Hayley, this is Alice, Kendall and Sophie." She went around the room. "We'll have time later to get to know Hayley better, for now though, I'm beat!" Lily followed this with a yawn and a stretch and headed to her own bed, drawing the curtains.

"Goodnight." Hayley called behind her. She took stock of her surroundings, there was only one bed left, and so she made her way towards it. She drew the curtains and released Trixie from her cage, the little critter curled up in the blankets of her bed, and changing into her pajamas, Hayley joined her, enjoying the warmth of the kitten curled up next to her. When Trixie was there, it was hard to feel anything but love.

***

The next morning came, and miraculously, Hayley didn't begrudge having to get up. She brushed her hair, got dressed and met with her cousin and his friends in the common room. She followed them down to breakfast, and wondered if she would ever get used to navigating around the castle, especially with those moving staircases.

Half way through breakfast, the tall witch from last night appeared at the end of the table and began to pass around slips of parchment.

"That's Professor McGonagall." Lily leaned over and whispered to Hayley. "She's the Head Professor of Gryffindor." Professor McGonagall reached their group.

"Thank you Prof." James said as he was passed a piece of paper.

"I have one for a Miss Hayley Sphinx." McGonagall called out.

"That's me!" Hayley spoke up, putting her hand in the air. She thanked her as she received her piece of parchment. She looked at it curiously to find a timetable. Comparing hers to Lily's, she found that they matched perfectly. Thank goodness for that. Hayley wasn't sure how she'd fare if she was left to her own devices, having to find her way around the castle. 

The first class of the day was Potions, which was taught by a short enthusiastic man, Professor Slughorn, who seemed to employ a heavy hand of favouritism. As a result he spent less time teaching than he did praising his favourite students. Thankfully, the first half of the year was covering the lesson's she'd already covered back in New Zealand, as their school year begins in February, rather than September, and she could hold her own in the class. Today they were learning about cosmetic potions, which was the field of work her Uncle Fleamont had worked in. 

At the end of the class, an essay on the theory of a cosmetic potion of their choice was set as homework. Slughorn held Lily back for a moment, just to catch up over the summer, it was clear that she was one of his favourites. Afterwards they made their way through the castle for their next lesson, Ancient Studies, which was roughly a wizarding equivalent of muggle Ancient History. 

At lunch time, Lily and Hayley met up with the boys at the table, and Hayley recounted her first morning of classes to her cousin as she ate. They took the opportunity to compare timetables, and it was discovered that they all had Transfiguration next with Professor McGonagall, followed by Study Hall. 

Hayley was surprised to hear that the curriculum in Transfiguration was different at Hogwarts than it had been at her old school. Where her old school had touched on personal transfiguration, she was surprised to discover that Hogwarts went no where near it. She thought about her own training, and thought perhaps it would be best to keep her ability as an Animagus quiet, she knew it might not go down so well with her fellow classmates if they were to find out. During the course of the class, she did however find out that the Professor herself was one too, and perhaps she could have a conversation about it after class. 

The opportunity to discuss their mutual abilities never arose. Instead at the end of the class, James and Sirius kicked up a big display of mischief, and got themselves a detention, after that, the class was so distracted that after a scolding from Professor McGonagall about being serious this year, they were dismissed early. 

Study Hall was held in the Great Hall, though Lily told her, they were free to study in the library or their common room, as long as they were quiet. Hayley set to work immediately revising the days lessons by rewriting her notes, and then began to work on her essay. She had chosen to write about her Uncle's invention Sleekeazy's Hair Potion, in which he had been very successful. 

***

By dinner time, Hayley was feeling a little anxious, all day she'd been surrounded by strange people, and a lot of them. Dinner pushed her over the edge, it was so loud, she was in a strange place, and there were so many people. She found she couldn't stomach much food, and she just moved it around the plate. She had lost Lily and James, the two people that were the closest she had to a safety blanket. She felt so alone. And the nasty thoughts just kept preying on her. After twenty minutes she found herself involuntarily rocking back and forth in her chair. People at the table started glancing at her with concerned looks on their faces. Ten minutes later the feelings overwhelmed her like a tide, and she shot up and out of the room, tears began to blur her vision, and her breath was coming quick. She wandered the halls blindly, not caring enough to try and orientate herself. She suddenly came up on a suit of armor and ducked behind it.

She sat on the ground and allowed herself to rock back and forth, arms wrapped around herself. She began to involuntarily whimper as she rocked, still hyperventilating. And finally the flashbacks began to occur, memories of better times with her family, the moment she was told they had died, her Aunt arriving, the funeral. They weren't in any particular order, and they were so vivid, it was like she was actually in the moment she was reliving. 

"It appears to have been a hate crime." The princpal's voice floating in her mind. If only she could have been there, she could have protected them. If only she could have hidden them, they would still be safe. She'd been so careful, the only person outside of her family that were aware that her family were Squibs, was the principal, and they'd discussed that in these uncertain times that it would be held confidential. 

"Non-magical folk should be exterminated!" Another voice yelled in her mind. It belonged to a memory, an overheard rant by some students at her old school. "Waste of resources, and a blotch on the reputation of us magical folk!" 

"No, no, no, no." She repeated over, and over again under her breath. The panic attack overwhelming her senses. She wished she could have been the one to die. She wish she could absorb the fear her family must have felt, so they didn't have to feel it. She wished it could have been her, instead of them. Survivor's guilt weighed heavily upon her heart. 

***

She didn't know how long she had been out, but when she emerged on the other side of the panic attack she found that she was no longer alone. Her head was on someone's lap, and they had their arms over her, as if they were shielding her from harm. She couldn't see who it was was, but they felt familiar. She could see the scuffed shoes they were wearing, she knew she had seen them, but she couldn't place where. Perhaps it was James. She moved, and the arms lifted off her to allow her to sit up.

"Hey." The person said gently. Hayley knew that voice, it wasn't James, it was Sirius. She looked at him, and took in his disheveled appearance. It looked like he had been sitting with her for hours, he looked tired, she wondered how late it was. His shirt was crinkled, and was stained in several spots from her tears. She felt ashamed suddenly, she'd damaged his shirt. 

"Sorry." Hayley said quietly, rubbing the drying tears from her face. 

"Hey, it's okay, you've been through a lot." He said with a shrug. "Besides, I've been there. I can tell you about it later, but for now it's after curfew, and we need to get back to the Common Room." He stood up and knocked on the door behind them. The door opened to reveal Professor McGonagall.

"Thank you for your help keeping us out of trouble, we're heading back to the common room now." He said, nodding his head at Hayley. By some sheer dumb luck, she had ended up outside the Head of House's door. She had found her mid panic attack on her return from Dinner, and had gone to fetch someone at once, Sirius had been the first person she had found, and had thought him to be suitable, as they'd spent the summer together. 

"I'll escort you back to Gryffindor Tower." She said, closing her office door behind her. And so she did.


	6. Chapter 6

In the days after the panic attack, Hayley tried to focus on other things, trying to keep busy, anytime she felt the tendrils of depression creeping in she would distract herself. She busied herself in her school work, and getting to know her classmates. And so far it had worked like a dream.

Alice had dreams of being an auror, and had a long term boyfriend called Frank. He had graduated last year, and this year was in training as an auror. Hayley could tell she deeply missed him, she could see it in her face whenever her friend talked about him.

Kendall was an orphan, and before that had been an only child. Her parents had been captured and killed in the war for being Muggle-borns. Kendall had only survived as it had been during the school year. She lived with her grandparents now when she wasn't at school. When the war was over she wanted to teach in a muggle school.

Sophie was the youngest of 3 children, all of which had been at Hogwarts before her. She was a pure blood, but her family stood with the Muggles, and thus were branded blood traitors. She believed whole heartedly in protecting the vulnerable, especially in the war.

Lily was Muggle-born. She had an older sister, however they had fallen out as her sister didn't approve of magic, being non-magical herself. Lily's family remained blissfully unaware of the war, otherwise she wouldn't be allowed to attend Hogwarts.

All four of her dorm mates welcomed Hayley and Trixie with open arms, especially Trixie, everyone doted on the tiny kitten. Trixie being so small only ever left the dorm room when she was carried, and one of her favourite past times was sleeping on people's shoulders. For example, she was currently asleep on Lily's.

***

One day, the girls found themselves in the stands watching the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice. The weather was good, though it probably wouldn't last.

"I can't believe that this is our last year." Sophie said, fanning herself with a scrap of parchment.

"It's so surreal. Sometimes it doesn't seem real." Piped up Lily, eyeing up this year's Quidditch line up. Kendall was a Beater this year, and was a tiny figure in crimson off in the distance.

"Isn't that what surreal means?" Hayley chirped, laughter creeping into her speech as she sat slumped against the railing.

"Fair point." Lily conceded. "Team's looking good."

The first Quidditch game of the year was a roaring success for Gryffindor. Hayley felt so proud of her cousin as she watched him play, and lead his team to victory. He flew so well. It made her reminisce of times long past from when they were children. One memory in particular stuck out to her, and made her smile. 

Kenzie and Hayley were running giggling through the meadow they couldn't have been more than ten at the time. Two girls with dark hair, wearing crowns of daisies they had created themselves. This was what they were running back to the house to show their parents. Suddenly Kenzie stopped, and tilted her head to one side. 

"What is it?" Hayley asked, panting, slightly ahead of her cousin.

"I think I hear something over near the forest, it sounds like James." Kenzie said, pointing off in the distance. 

"Alright, let's go check it out." Hayley said, gesturing for her cousin to lead the way. She couldn't hear anything, it must be a twin thing. 

The girls soon arrived at the edge of the forest, Kenzie scanning the treeline for her brother.

"Kenzie! I'm up here!" A boy's voice called from above them. They tilted their heads up and shaded their eyes from the sun. There up in one of the trees was a boy with dark hair and glasses. James, Kenzie's twin and Hayley's cousin. 

"Why are you up there?" His sister called up to him.

"Crashed my broom." He said matter of factly. Hayley saw an abandoned broken broom at the base of the tree. She pointed this out to her cousin beside her.

"Hold on, we're going to go get help!" She called up to the boy, then turned around to run back to the house. Unseen by her, the forgotten flower crown flew off behind her, floating to the ground in her wake. 

James had come a long way since then. 

The Gryffindor Common Room was bumping long into the night as the House celebrated the first win of the year. Amongst the seniors, smuggled in alcohol was passed around, with a few prefects making the rounds, making sure that no one under 17 was in possession, it was bad enough the seventh years had got a hold of it, and it wouldn't do for word to get out and for them to all be punished. 

Hayley felt like the world spun a little when she stood up, and ended up stuck on a couch, sandwiched between Remus and James. Thanks to Sirius, the drinks continued flowing, and the night blurred. 

"Congrats on the win Jamesie!" She slurred, pulling him in for a hug for the millionth time that night. "I'm real proud of you."

"Hey Jamesie?" Kenzie roused her half concious self a little while afterwards.

"Yeah Haze?" James responded, a little more together than his drunker cousin.

"I'm really glad I get to spend this year with you. I missed you." 

"I missed you too." James helped Hayley into a standing position, and with a little help from Peter, who held his alcohol surprisingly well, they wrapped her arms around their shoulders and slowly walked her up the stairs to their dorm room. 

James gently got her into his bed, slid off her shoes, and tucked her into the blankets. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and quickly made a makeshift bed on the floor at the foot of the bed.

"Thanks Peter." He said quietly to his friend.

"No worries mate." Came the response before he slipped into sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

This year the prefects had decided to hold a Halloween Dance in the Great Hall for the Fifth, Sixth and Seventh year students. James and Lily being Head Boy and Girl, were the most heavily involved in the planning. Naturally this meant Hayley, Peter and Sirius were also involved, and had been dubbed the "Planning Committee" by relieved prefects who didn't really want to be involved in the organisation, but had agreed to help keep the students in check on the night. 

It was agreed that the best day to hold the dance, was the Saturday, a few nights before Halloween, to minimise it's effect on the student's studies. So twice a week the Planning Committee met up to discuss the developments in the plan, and how it was coming together for the entire month of October. For someone who lived in a country that was not heavily interested in Halloween, Hayley was excited for her first real Halloween. Back in New Zealand, it was decidedly not the right time of year for typical celebrations, as it was spring, rather than fall, so the most they ever did was let children dress up and go trick-or-treating. 

Hayley had jumped on the opportunity to help plan the event, as between that and her studies, she would be far to busy for her thoughts to get the best of her like they did her second night here. She was eternally grateful for Sirius' help that night, but she did her best to not dwell on it, lest it happen again. 

The first meeting saw the responsibilities doled out amongst the group. Lily was in charge of the budget, and as such was responsible for ordering the things that they would need. James was in charge of the entertainment. Remus was in charge of compiling a list of inappropriate costumes, as in ones that may cause more trouble than they're worth, especially with the war, and the schedules for the prefects patrols. Peter was in charge of refreshments. Sirius was in charge of the decorations. Which left Hayley in charge of the fliers. 

The second meeting saw the details begin to form. The date was chosen, and times discussed. A discussion was held about what costumes were to be banned, which Remus took down a list of. Peter proposed a few refreshments he thought would be good to have, and Sirius proposed the decorations he would like to use, while Lily reinforced the budget parameters. James had drafted a list of entertainment possibilities, including a live band, which Lily said maybe to. And finally at the end of the meeting, Hayley showed them all varying concept sketches of the flier. This concluded the first week of meetings. 

These meetings paired with their other Head Boy and Girl duties saw James and Lily spending most of their time out of class together. The group had also begun to notice that there were several subtle changes in their relationship. Lily, whilst still adamant that she wasn't attracted to James grudgingly admitted to Hayley that he was handling the job well, and it had made him more responsible, but of course that didn't make him any less pigheaded. She said this last part with a little more vehemence than usual, as if she was trying to convince herself she believed it. James for his part, had stopped his constant puppy dog act around her, and gave her more room to breathe, which definitely had something to do with some advice he'd received from his cousin. 

***

"Yeah, it's totally gonna happen this year." Remus said quietly as he and Hayley watched the pair working on the budgets for the dance across the room. 

"Do you ever get the feeling Dumbledore did this on purpose, like for this purpose?" Hayley asked contemplatively. Professor Dumbledore wasn't the most traditional of headmasters. He related well with his students, and even seemed to be invested in their lives.

"I wouldn't put it past him." 

"Yeah." Hayley agreed, returning to her essay for Ancient Studies. This one was on Ancient Greek civilisation, and how the mythology from the period was likely derived from the activities of witches and wizards. 

"Oh shi - do you see that?" Remus almost swore, Hayley looked up and saw Lily leaning in to James. 

"I don't think she's aware she's doing it." Hayley commented, studying the face of her friend.

"He is!" Remus commented on his friends shit-eating grin.

***

The second week of meetings began with the finalisation of the dance's details, the date and time now confirmed, Hayley could finish her fliers. Remus read out his updated list of banned costumes, and added some new ones that came up. Then Hayley and Remus had a conversation of what would be mentioned on the fliers in regards to costume restrictions. James confirmed that the entertainment would be live music, and that he had secured several student bands who were willing to play at the event. This relieved Lily who had been worried about that aspect of the budget. Then to conclude the meeting the committee chose the final design for the fliers. 

The second meeting of the week consisted of the committee getting together to create several stacks of copies of the flier, and the creation of a plan on how to best distribute them amongst the students. Two stacks would be given to the prefects of each house, one stack would be left in their common room, and the other would be posted on several bulletin boards, attached to classroom and bathroom doors, and left in the Great Hall for students to pick up. This concluded the second week of meetings. 

***

"Hey guys!" Peter greeted the group as he sat down, a blonde Hufflepuff perched herself beside him. Peter for once wore a confident demeanor, typically he seemed a little unsure of himself, but was always reverent over the three other boys, so this was a nice change.

"Hey Peter, who's this?" Hayley said, quickly studying Peter's companion. She was short, but slender, pale with a smattering of freckles quite like her own, but Hayley thought they suited the girl better, and she had shiny bright blue eyes. 

"This is Juliette, she's my date to the Halloween Dance." He answered with pride in his voice.

"Nice, congrats, you're the first of us to score a date." Remus affirmed the boy. Peter smiled widely at this, it was not often that he beat his friends at something. James noticed this and decided to put off his asking Lily to the dance, give his friend his chance to enjoy this win. 

***

Later that night James and Lily were off attending to Head Boy and Girl duties, Hayley had a sneaking suspicion that Lily was becoming quite adept at creating excuses to spend time with James in the name of duties. Peter was off hanging out with his new girlfriend somewhere else in the castle, presumably the Hufflepuff Common Room. And Remus and Alice were out on patrol. This left Sirius and Hayley to pass the time, Hayley had asked Sirius if they could hang out in the common room, as she was still afraid of being alone. Though right now, she was regretting she did, as she felt like a weight was sitting in her stomach, she assumed it was due to the guilt of him having to deal with her messy self during her panic attack. Since then she had tried to apologise multiple times, but he'd shut her down every time, playing it off as no big deal. 

"You know you can come to me anytime you feel like that again, right?" Sirius began, he shifted his weight, and Trixie stirred, she'd been sleeping on his shoulder.

"I hope I don't have to. And again, I'm so sorry!" 

"No, I've told you, it's fine, I've been there." Sirius stared into the fire as he formulated his next sentence. "Has James ever mentioned why I live with him?" 

"No." Hayley replied. "He said it wasn't his story to tell." 

"I was in a bad situation at home. When I first started at Hogwarts it was expected that I would be sorted into Slytherin, clearly I wasn't. My parents were outraged, Slytherin runs in the blood, and to be sorted into a different house was a betrayal, it made me an outsider in my own family, because we valued different things."

"It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't got along with my fellow Gryffindors so well, my parents would have preferred it if I'd resented my own house. When I got home, the arguments started. My year apart from them had changed me, for the better in my opinion, for the worse in theirs. I no longer talked about Muggles and Muggle-borns as below me in status, I embraced them, I just didn't have it in me to hate. As the war brewed it was clear what side they were on, and it was clear I was not on theirs."

"Things escalated when my brother was sorted into Slytherin. Here was their son, he made them so proud, embraced the Dark Side so naturally. Now I was screamed at. I was sent into isolation for days on end, and had to watch as they put Regulus on a pedestal in front of me, he could do no wrong." 

"When I was old enough to care about girls, I started perma-sticking posters of Muggle woman on my walls. It enraged my mother so much, but it made me feel a little more in control. I started to do the same with Gryffindor emblems, and photos of my muggle loving friends. It was all too much, and the abuse really kicked up a notch. It started to get violent, even the portraits in the house screamed bloody murder at me."

"In 1973 my cousin who had been disowned for loving a Muggle-born gave birth to a girl, and I started writing letters to her, she was the only one in my family who understood what I was going through, what I felt. Early last year my correspondence with her was discovered, and I was finally disowned, James' parents took me in."

"So while it's not the same as what you've gone through, I understand. I used to have panic attacks close to the end of the school year. So I understand, and I am here for you." 

"I'm so sorry you went through that." Hayley felt her insides twist.

"On a lighter note," Sirius said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "how about you and I go to the dance together? That way if anything happens, I'll be there."

"Sure." Her insides twisted again, and a feeling of uncertainty settled over her. 

***

The third week of meetings was a flurry of activity. With the fliers now finished and distributed, Hayley was free to help wherever she could. Remus went over the patrol schedule, and the areas he thought would be best to be monitored. Peter went over the menu, and drafted a list of items that would need to be ordered from the kitchens. Sirius started to compile the list of decorations that would need to be ordered, and James discussed his ideas for a costume competition. 

The second meeting of the week consisted of the final orders being placed, and rules discussed for the now confirmed costume contest. It then went off topic at the point of discussing the contest, as the group of friends then discussed ideas for their own costumes. And thus the third week of meetings was concluded, and the dance was now only a week away. 

***

One day during Study Hall, James got down on one knee in front of Lily, and pulled a rose from inside the sleeve of his robe. Lily looked at him with a look of concern, and resignation on her face. He'd done this before, these jokey proposals, and she had hoped she had seen the last of them, as he had been on his best behaviour since the beginning of the school year. 

"Lily Evans, will you do me the honour of being my date to the Halloween Dance, as Head Girl to my Head Boy?" Lily's face flushed almost as red as her hair.

"Alright." She said gruffly, and immediately regretted it, as James jumped up and spun her around while hugging her. A great cheer rose up around the Great Hall, as finally, the schools most anticipated couple were coming together. 

"How long do you think it'll take them to make it official?" Hayley whispered to Sirius and Remus.

"We'll see." Remus said with a wink. 

***

The final week of meetings commenced. The finalisations were put into place, and the decorations were put into storage near the Great Hall. The team put the final touches on their costumes as well. Unfortunately on Wednesday Remus was called away for a family emergency, but he assured the others he would try his best to be back for the dance, but he couldn't make any promises. 

***

On Thursday night, Hayley couldn't sleep, she felt restless and she couldn't figure out why. Close to midnight she gave up on trying. She snuck out of the tower, and made her way undetected out of the castle. Just outside the door to the castle she stretched and transformed into her Animagus form. Maybe a good run would do the trick. She headed off a brisk trot towards the treeline of the Forbidden Forest, she knew she shouldn't go in there, but it was the best way to avoid detection, being a white dog wasn't the most inconspicuous of forms. 

A few hundred metres in, she accidentally stumbled into a fight. She hung back as she surveyed the scene. The fight was between a couple of animals, and holy shit, was that a werewolf? The animals seemed to be corralling the werewolf. Every time the werewolf made a move towards the castle grounds the animals fought harder and pushed it back. She felt drawn to the fight, there was something familiar about how they moved. The werewolf made eye contact and snarled at her, the animals were momentarily distracted and it broke free. Damnit. Hayley bounded forward and made herself look threatening. It was enough for the others to regain control. They took turns in being the lead, the others catching some rest while the could. 

There was a stag, who's horns were most effective for holding the creature at bay. A black dog, larger than Hayley's form, who was fast and aggressive. And a rat who zipped in and out around their feet, nipping at the werewolf when the opportunity arose. Clearly this wasn't their first rodeo. 

As the night wore on the group grew warier, and as the sky lightened, the werewolf became less aggressive, and seemed to be rapidly gaining control of itself. Finally the group began to wander off in the same direction. Curious, Hayley followed them. She followed them to the edge of the castle ground and watched as the rat darted towards the wildly thrashing tree that marked the edge of the school grounds. She watched as it fell limp and motionless. She watched as the animals crawled through a hole in the roots and disappeared. She waited, just out of sight. And she gasped when out crawled four of her friends, each looking worse for wear. 

***

The day of the Halloween Dance dawned, and brought with it the timely return of Remus Lupin. When Hayley emerged from the dormitory into the Gryffindor Common Room, she had discovered him sitting in front of one of the fires. He looked much better than when she had last seen him. 

"Hey." She greeted him. He hadn't heard her come in, but looked up at the sound of her voice and smiled.

"Hey." He returned. 

"How did it go with your family?" 

"Oh, problem resolved. My Aunt, she got herself into a bit of a bind."

"If it was your Aunt, why were you needed?"

"Honestly, I don't know." Remus answered, sounding mystified. 

***

The girls dorm was awash with chatter as they got ready for the dance. The atmosphere was thick with excitement. Lily and Hayley had spent so many hours this month organising it down to the last detail. 

"Alright, all finished!" Sophie declared, as she put the finishing touches on her costume, she had decided to go as a female Nearly Headless Nick, and she had done a fantastic job of it. 

"Awesome, shall we go?" Alice asked, surveying the girls.

"Oh, not before I get a picture first!" Lily exclaimed, running to her bed where she had left her camera. The girls gathered together and posed as she snapped the picture. The photo slid out, and they gathered around waiting for it to develop. And there they were, five dressed up girls, smiling and waving or blowing kisses. Sophie in her Nearly Headless Nick costume. Lily as Nancy Drew, a red haired character from one of her favourite books. Hayley as a white dog, she had agreed to go with a matching costume with Sirius, and now she had an idea of why he had decided on a black dog, though of course she wouldn't say anything. Alice as a porcelain doll. And Kendall as a lion, like their house mascot. 

They headed down into the common room where they met with their dates, and Peter. Alice had agreed to go with Remus as friends, her long term boyfriend was unable to attend tonight as he had graduated last year. 

The Halloween Dance went off splendidly, probably with a little help from the drinks, in which unbeknownst to anyone, Professor Dumbledore himself had spiked with a little alcohol, because he wanted to see where things would go, and as mentioned before, was invested in the students lives. For the most past the prefects turned a blind eye to the students antics, only interfering when things turned serious. James and Lily were swaying drunkenly on the dance floor, when suddenly the song changed and turned romantic. It wasn't long before they were hardcore making out in a corner. 

"Knew it wouldn't take them long." Sirius said, as he and Hayley danced. Hayley was feeling the effects of the alcohol, and all she wanted to do was sit down.

"Hey, can we go to the common room, I just want to sit down." She murmured.

"Yeah, sure." Sirius agreed, scanning her face with concern. Nothing in her face suggested she was having a hard time however, and he relaxed. He felt a little protective of the girl in his arms. 

Once situated in the common room, the two of them began to talk. They talked for hours, and watched as the party goers slowly trickled back in. They didn't miss that Lily and James were still absent. 

"I saw you." Hayley said, emboldened by the alcohol. Sirius's face creased. 

"Saw me where? What?" He asked, he couldn't think of a logical explanation as to what the girl was talking about. 

"In the forest." Hayley said. "I was the white dog." The words hung in the air between them, heavy and revealing. 

"Oh." Was all he could say, his mind reeling.


	8. Chapter 8

"We need to talk." Sirius said, marching into the dormitory. His voice serious. He noticed James had snuck in without his notice, though really it had been just before Sirius and Hayley had reached the common room. 

"Ugh." Came a moan from Remus, who was most definitely drunk, and asleep. 

"I'm serious, this is serious." Sirius said, looking each of his friends in the eye. "Hayley knows." 

"What does Hayley know?" Came James' confused voice. 

"Everything, Moony, the forest, us." The three boys bolted up right, and sobered up immediately.

"I'm sorry, what?" Remus asked sharply, suddenly very awake.

"She knows. You remember the white dog that helped us a few nights ago? It's her. She must have followed us back to the Whomping Willow, she said she saw four creatures go in, and us four come out, there is no plausible way of explaining that." He said, pacing the length of the dormitory. 

"Shit." James swore lowly. "I knew that they studied Animagi at her school, I didn't realise they were also taught how to become one." He confessed rubbing his head. 

"There is one other thing you need to hear." Sirius said.

"Out with it!" Remus snapped urgently. "Sorry."

"She swore she won't tell a soul. I know it's to protect you James." A sigh of relief went around the room, and the tense atmosphere eased a little.

"That's all very well, but what do we do about it?" Peter asked. His friends looked at him, each deep in contemplation.

"I'll talk to her." Remus said finally. "I'll tell her about my situation. But I remember her, she was good, I think we could use her help."

"You might be right." James muttered. "Can we just deal with this in the morning? My head kills."

***

It was not 'just dealt with' in the morning, as everyone woke up with a killer hangover. 

"Ugh, someone must've spiked the punch." Lily groaned, her head hung over her plate of plain toast, the only food that she could stomach right now. 

"I can't believe it wasn't us." Sirius responded, he was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. Beside him James had his head propped up against his fists, trying not to throw up his stomach contents. 

Hayley was absent from the table, unable to stop throwing up, Lily had left her clinging to the toilet bowl. 

At the staff table, Dumbledore surveyed the demure scene of senior students knowingly, and silently chuckled to himself. Last night had been quite entertaining. 

***

It took until noon for the students hangovers to dissipate, the blessing of being a teenager, short hangovers. At such time, Lily and James officially labelled themselves as dating, and proceeded to be sappy and all over each other. Remus gave Sirius a meaningful glance. 

"Hey Hayley, could I talk to you for a second?" He said, drawing her attention to him. She nodded, and allowed him to lead her up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. There he filled her on on his situation as a lycanthrope. 

"When the boy's found out, they perused every library book they could find for a way to help me out. Honestly, if it wasn't for them and their unconditional love, I probably wouldn't be here." Remus admitted. "They finally came across personal transfiguration, and in particular, animagi, we already knew about it vaguely, McGonagall being one and all. But they discovered how to do it, and boy was that a mission. McGonagall probably has an idea, but then she also knows about me, and she hasn't said anything."

"I understand. I'm really glad they figured out some way of helping. It must be tough." Remus scoffed.

"Yeah, that's an understatement."

***

"I would like to say let's go big for my birthday," Sirius spoke up, "however, I feel that after yesterday's hangover I can't stomach the idea of another one so soon. So I suggest that we have a small gathering at The Three Broomsticks on Saturday when we go into Hogsmeade!" A collective noise of agreement greeted his suggestion.

The group were sitting around a section of Gryffindor table in the Great Hall at lunch. Lily and James were mercifully sitting on opposite sides of the table, Lily next to Hayley, and James beside Sirius. 

"When is your birthday actually?" Hayley, who had no idea, asked Sirius.

"The third, so on Thursday." Sirius answered, his gaze directed towards the ceiling where a few owls swooped overhead, delivering the messages they carried. His eyes focused on a familiar barn owl swooping through the air, a frown settled on his face the lower the owl got, and deepened when it landed at the Slytherin table, the recipient his younger brother. 

"Hey, it's okay, you've got us now." Hayley said softly, having followed the line of his gaze when he began to scowl.

"I know, it's just..." Sirius trailed off, before being distracted by something James had said, his brother forgotten thanks to his other.

***

"Happy Birthday Sirius!" Hayley pounced on the boy, pulling him into a hug the minute he set foot in the common room. She pulled away after a few moments, a huge grin on her face. She pranced away to a nearby table where she had placed a parcel, it was wrapped in paper embellished with hand drawn copies of the Gryffindor crest. She thrust it at Sirius, before gesturing for him to open it. 

"Merlin's beard!" He laughed as he opened it to reveal a black plush dog. "I love it." He gave Hayley another hug. 

***

Classes seemed to drag on that week, as the students were all in a state of excitement, the anticipation of their first trip into Hogsmeade for the year creating a buzz. The atmosphere almost felt charged with their excitement. For some, it would be their first time going, Hayley included. By the time Friday rolled around, Hayley found that she was behind on her homework, despite usually being on top of it, though not for the lack of trying. Whilst the castle was big, and the grounds larger, the weather had kept them confined, and she was eager for a change in scenery, and it was constantly on her mind, fighting for room against everything else, and it was winning. 

The Great Hall buzzed with student voices at dinner time, the excitement almost felt like a tangible thing. Hayley quizzed her friends non stop on what Hogsmeade was like. She was excited for Honeydukes, an actual sweet shop, and not just regular candy, wizard candy. In New Zealand, though there are a few chocolate shops in the cities, they weren't a common store, so she was excited as she'd never been to one. The closest she had been was driving past Candy Land one time on a road trip across the North Island. 

"It'll be the first store I take you to!" Sirius promised. He and Remus were going to take her on a tour of the town as Peter, James and Lily had dates before the party at The Three Broomsticks. 

"I'm excited!" Hayley exclaimed, doing a small dance where she sat.

***

"I don't think I can eat anymore." Hayley groaned looking down at the menu in her hands.

"I told you not to eat all that candy!" Sirius laughed at her.

"But could you blame me? It was all so delicious!" Hayley's eyes lit up at the memory of the candy store, her mind wandering to the stash that was hidden away in her carry bag at her feet. A store for later on. 

"So good! I remember my first time there." Remus said dreamily, it had been him who had encouraged all the candy consumption.

Suddenly Lily arrived, holding a cake with eighteen candles adorning the top, singing Happy Birthday as she carefully placed it, lit candles and all, on the table in front of Sirius.


	9. Chapter 9

As the end of the year drew near, plans began to be formed about what everyone was doing for Christmas this year. Unfortunately, the full moon happened to fall on Christmas day this year, which dampened the seasonal joy a bit. Lily had been hinting that she wanted to spend Christmas with James this year, which sort of threw a wrench into the works with Remus' transformation. 

"Alright boys, and Hayley." Sirius adressed the small group of Gryffindors gathered in the boy's dormitory. "We need to work out a plan for Christmas, for this to work we obviously need to all be together."

"I volunteer my house." James pitched. "It's big enough to hold us all, and my parents will give us the freedom to disappear on Christmas. Besides, Lily wants to stay. Which brings up a whole other problem." 

"I'll stay with Lily, she'll suspect less if I'm with her, you could say that you're off on a boy's night. You could say it's a tradition?" Hayley contributed. 

"Oh, I'm so glad you volunteered to stay behind, I was afraid to suggest it." James breathed. 

"That tradition idea is not a bad suggestion. Lily was friends with your sister for years James, but she never spent the holiday with you, and Hayley could corroborate it as she spent every Christmas with you guys." Remus said thoughtfully. 

"How are we going to pitch it to your parents?" Peter asked. 

"Camping trip!" James spoke up, like eureka. 

"Hmm, that's feasible." Remus spoke again.

"Meanwhile I'll have the girls do a sleepover, that way they won't be suspicious. We'll do our thing while you do yours." 

"I think we've got it now." 

***

Later that night, doom swept across the entirety of Gryffindor House. It started with a sniffle, and followed by a sneeze. Cold and flu season had fallen upon Hogwarts. 

***

"Curse that James Potter!" Lily growled after blowing her nose for the tenth time in half an hour. 

"Not just James, everyone!" Hayley chimed in. 

The two girls were stuck in the dormitory having been put on bed rest to recover from a rather nasty bout of flu. The Healing Ward was overflowing with sick students, and they were over capacity, so the only way for students to recover was to stay in bed. House elves brought the sick students food to them to minimise the risk of it spreading much further beyond Gryffindor. The healthy students were temporarily reassigned to different dorms, and the sick bunked together. So instead of their usual dorm mates, Alice, Sophie and Kendall, there were three sixth year girls with them, though one lucky girl was close to being 'discharged'. 

Today the girls were sitting up in bed catching up on the classes they were missing. The professors had sent it to them via owls after each class, and upon completion of homework, the girls sent their work back to the professors, also via owl. 

They were in constant communication with their friends through owl post, which Lily and James both thought was a god send, because whilst Lily cursed James for getting her sick, she did really miss him.

***

Three days later the friends were reunited, their health restored. When James wasn't studying or being smoochy with Lily, who had decided she'd gotten over her grudge from him getting her sick, he was practicing for the upcoming Quidditch game. Hayley missed her cousin, these days he was far too busy to hang out with her. Instead she found herself hanging out with Sirius, the only other friend who didn't seem to be having much of anything going on. Under Hayley's strict supervision and tutelage, the boy actually started to get his shit together with his studies. 

"Hey, um, is there two Trixies sitting in front of the fire, or am I going insane?" Sirius asked during one of their study sessions in the common room. Hayley looked up and looked in the direction he was pointing to. 

"Uh, there's three now..." Hayley trailed off.

"Now four. What the hell is going on?" Hayley walked over to the group of four kittens by the fireplace, each of them were identical, right down to the blue collar that Trixie wore to identify her from the other cats in the tower. 

"Trixie!" She called. All four kitttens turned and started to run towards her. "Oh dear." She knelt down and checked each of the kittens name tags, and sure enough they all said Trixie. 

"So, did you figure out what's up with the kittens?" Sirius asked as she approached with an armful of kittens, and another following her.

"They're all Trixie." 

"What?" 

"Exactly. I have no idea what's going on, I think this is something I need Lily for." 

A little while later, a laughing Lily had an answer. 

"I think this is my fault. I had a potion I was working on for class, and I noticed it had been knocked over this morning, and the cork had come out. It's a multiplication potion. It's unfinished though, and I don't know how long it will last, or if it will ever wear off." 

"Oh, hopefully it's not permanent, otherwise I have three kittens that need homes." 

"Yeah, sorry. If it helps I'll take one if the effects doesn't wear off." Lily volunteered. 

***

Hayley had become very snappy as the end of the year drew near. She didn't mean it, her emotions were a huge tangled mess as the realisation that this was the first Christmas without her family. Sirius was the only one that managed to escape it, and she couldn't figure out why on earth that was, perhaps it was because it was he who was helping out with the miniature panic attacks that were building in frequency. His presence inspired a calm in the storm of her heart, and for that she was very grateful. 

On one such occassion, she had fallen asleep post panic attack in the common room. She'd woken briefly to the motion of someone placing a blanket over her, and a female voice making an "aww" noise softly in the background. When she awoke in the morning, she found herself wrapped in Sirius's arms, and using his chest as a pillow. She froze, heat rushing to her face. Oh goodness, how embarrassing. She thought. Quietly, and slowly she loosed Sirius's grip, freezing when he stirred a little, letting out a quiet sigh of relief when he settled back down to sleep, before continuing to slip out of his arms. Finally she freed herself, and she tiptoed to the dormitory stairs.


	10. Chapter 10

The energy level on the train ride home was high. The group of friends were all super excited to be spending their first Christmas together, the boys however were a little anxious about the execution of their grand plan. Remus was to go by Floo into Dumbledore's office, where he would be escorted to the Whomping Willow hideout. The rest of the boys had to somehow get into Hogsmeade undetected and sneak in to meet up with Remus. Hayley was glad to not be involved this time around, it seemed way too high stress, however she was worried about spending a night away from Sirius, her coping mechanism, during such a vulnerable time.

She had become more and more withdrawn the closer they got to Christmas, it was the first time since the loss of her family, and she was feeling it. As if sensing the darkness of her thoughts, Sirius placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, a feeling of warmth bloomed in her chest, fending off the Dementors of her soul like a Patronus.

Returning to a happier version of herself, she found she could join in on the conversations a little easier, her confidence boosted by the boy at her side. Lily watched them out of the corner of her eye. She smiled at her friend, and was pleased when a genuine smile was returned, it had been a rare sight over the last few weeks.

***

Fleamont and Euphemia Potter met the group of teenagers with smiles, hugs and kisses. They were always pleased when James and Sirius' friends visited, and this year their hearts were overjoyed at welcoming Lily into their house once again, this time as James' girlfriend, and that Hayley had fit in so well. 

The entrance hall of the Potter house had not been filled with such merriment for many years as it was in this moment. A wall of trunks took up half the space, and the crowd of witches and wizards the other. Euphemia was speaking to a house elf at one end with instructions on where the visitors luggage would go. Lily would be in James' room, Remus and Peter in their usual guest bedrooms, and would she be so kind as to ready a room for Alice and Frank, the former who would be arriving on Christmas Night, and the latter the following evening.

***

Hayley sighed a sigh of relief as she sunk down on her own mattress again. Whilst she loved the girls she lived with, she was glad to be in her own space once again. She didn't let herself lie on the bed for very long, as she knew that the longer she did, the more likely she'd fall asleep and miss dinner. 

So up she got, and began the task of unpacking her things, and replacing them in the correct places. The last thing she unpacked was her photo album full of memories from the last few months of school. She opened the cover and began to walk down memory lane. The first photo was a photo of her and her dorm mates, smiling and waving at the camera on their first full day at Hogwarts. There was one of her and James, arms around each other's shoulders, pulling faces and laughing, and one where they smiled. There she was holding up the wriggling form of her kitten, who there now was multiple of, Lily having one, renamed to Daisy, and the other two having been rehomed with other students. Speaking of the multiplying kittens, here was a photo of them in the Common Room, with a laughing Sirius, and a sheepish Lily. The final photo had been taken on the train. She wanted to find frames for some of these and hang them on her wall. 

***

Hayley felt like she couldn't breathe. She sat up, flinging off the covers, frightening Trixie, who scampered across the room, but she still couldn't see. She felt as if the darkness was choking her. It provided the perfect canvas for recollections to flash before her eyes. She let out a strangled sob as she threw herself off the bed, and felt her way through the dark room to the door, hyperventilating as she went. She found the hallway was dimly lit by two lamps at either end. She fought to quiet her breathing, lest she wake anyone else up. The light from the hall eased the panic attack a little. 

She found the door she was looking for and knocked softly before opening it. She found him scrabbling for a shirt by lamplight. He paused and turned around as he heard the door open. One look at her and his quest for a shirt was forgotten, he moved across the room, and enveloped her in his arms (only because her arms were held out in invitation). He caressed her hair, and made soothing noises. They stood like that until she her breathing smoothed. It transitioned into tears, as the pain reeled through her. He led her to the edge of the bed, never once letting her go fully, and sat with her, letting her let it out. She curled up on the edge of the bed, he gave her space then, but she motioned for him to come back, she felt too vulnerable to be that alone. Morning found them still lying there side by side.

***

Hayley woke once again encircled in arms, this time she didn't freeze or panic, she knew exactly who it was, and she marveled in the warmth and the feeling of security. She froze as a realisation came over her. She slowly extracted herself out of his arms and crept out of his room, shutting the door softly. She tiptoed down to her cousins room, and opened the door. She peered in cautiously, only and thankfully to see the bed occupied by only Lily, her cousin gone somewhere. She carefully listened, and couldn't hear any sign of him, and the bathroom door was open. 

"Lily." She called quietly. Lily turned her head to look at the door sleepily.

"Hayley?" She responded, seeing the look on her best friend's face she patted the empty bed beside her. Hayley shut the door behind her, and sat down cross legged. "What's up."

"Merlin's Beard, Lily, I have feelings for Sirius Black!" 

"I knew it!" Lily crowed with a smug expression. 

"This is a problem, Lily!"

"Psh, no it's not, feelings just happen, they come and they go, and sometimes you get lucky, and they coincide with someone else's." 

"You mean you're just lucky. I don't get feelings, or at least I haven't before."

Lily was no help. So the girls terminated the conversation and parted ways to get ready for the day, with promises to reunite over breakfast. 

***

Hayley discovered that the house had transformed into a Christmas wonderland overnight. She had always loved the Potter's house over Christmas, it was full of pretty ornaments, and just screamed Christmas, which had always been her favourite holiday. Her heart skipped a beat as she passed a photo of her family smiling down at her, a photo from Christmas two years ago. She steeled herself and moved past it to the dining room where she could smell the delicious waft of bacon and scrambled eggs. 

She found the boys already sitting at the recently extended dining table, eating their breakfast, she sat down just in time for a plate of fresh scrambled eggs on toast and bacon to be placed in front of her. She was then provided with a knife and fork. It wasn't long until Lily arrived, and she was served her own breakfast, scrambled eggs, no toast and bacon. 

Hayley was finding it hard to meet Sirius' eyes this morning, preferring to keep her head bowed down, and focusing on her plate of food. She found it near impossible to control the heat in her cheeks whenever she thought about him and especially when she spoke to him. She made an excuse once she was finished and headed with a rapid pace down the hallway. She cursed as she found she had made a wrong turn, ending up in the lounge instead of at the foot of the stairs. She hesitated a moment, chewing on her lip before deciding to sit on the couch. She noticed that there was a tree in here, but it had not yet been decorated. It was quite a large tree, she thought. 

"Oh hey." Sirius' voice floated to her ears from the entrance, she glanced up. 

"Hi." She said, trying to fight the butterflies. "Thank you for helping me out last night." 

"You're welcome, anytime. You know that right?" He said, crossing the room to sit next to her.

"Thank you." Was all Hayley could say. She was fighting a losing battle against those butterflies. 

***

Euphemia Potter had managed to get all of the teenagers into one room at the same time. She had gathered them all to help decorate the tree. Against one wall of the room was a wall of boxes, each dedicated to a theme, whether it be colour or type of decoration. A lively debate had been held, and the colour scheme that had been decided was the traditional, red and gold, Gryffindor colours, the boys had won the vote to not include green, because no body wanted Slytherin reminders at Christmas. Euphemia busied herself putting away the rest of the boxes that weren't needed. 

James kept moving the mistletoe to places nearby Lily, and the couple grossed their friends out with the ensuing public display of affection. Right as Sirius and Hayley were decorating next to each other, the mistletoe was mysteriously moved above their heads. Lily pointed it out mischievously. Hayley blushed as she glanced Sirius's way, who shrugged and kissed her lightly. 

This was happening, this is happening, Hayley's brain frantically screamed. Hoots and cheers went round the room as the kiss deepened. Sirius wrapped his arms around her, and Hayley stepped in closer her arms encircling his waist. After a few long moments had passed, the pair separated for breath. 

"That was nice." Sirius whispered to the girl still in his arms.

"Yeah." Hayley whispered back breathlessly. 

"We should do it again." So they did. 

"Okay, okay, break it up you two!" Lily said laughing, hitting them with a stocking. Kissing time over, the decorating recommenced. 

***

That night, Hayley lay awake in bed, milling over the day's events. It had been a pretty good day all considered. She'd kissed Sirius, he'd kissed her back, and they kept kissing each other, at the end of the day, Sirius had asked her to officially be his girlfriend, so swept up and giddy by the day, she hadn't hesitated to answer. Now she couldn't sleep. She sighed and rolled over. Eventually she got up and padded over to his room, where she found him also awake.

"Hi, gorgeous." He greeted her, causing her to blush hard. He held open a portion of the covers, and she climbed in, snuggling closer to him. This felt right. 

***

Christmas morning saw the Potter house filled with laughter and chatter. The celebrations were held in the morning, to accomodate the boys departure early in the afternoon. 

Hayley had woken up to the sound of Sirius' alarm blaring, Sirius of course oblivious to it. She had to walk around the bed to silence it. She then shook Sirius gently until he woke. She didn't know how he could be so easy to wake when she had a panic attack, but so difficult to wake up in the morning. 

Finally the family and their guests were gathered around the dining room table ready for a breakfast feast. There was plenty of coffee to go around, Christmas cake, pancakes, eggs of all manner of style, toast, bacon and some hashbrowns. There was even cereal for those who might want it, of which Remus did. Euphemia and Fleamont had smiles for everyone, and a stack of letters that had arrived that morning, by way of owl post. There had been packages too, but those had been deposited under the Christmas tree. 

There were letters and cards from parents, and even some from friends. Each teen received a hug and a kiss as they received their letters. There were tears shed by the visitors who missed their families at this special time of year. Hayley smiled at her friends joy, but had to turn away to hide her own tears, it was hard, seeing them read about their families when she didn't have one.

"Hayley, dear, come here." Cooed Euphemia as she hurried down the hall after her niece, closely followed by a concerned Sirius. She pulled Hayley into her arms, and continued to make soothing noises as her sobs wracked her body. 

"It's okay baby, Aunty's got you. I know you miss them love, it's hard for me too. I want you to know that you'll always have a family with us." Hayley looked up at her elderly aunt and gave her a weak smile.

"Thank you, to be honest, I've been struggling with the feeling of being a burden, I'm not, am I?"

"Of course not sweet heart. Now I'll leave you with our boy here, and when you feel ready, come join us in the lounge."

"Hi." Hayley said softly.

"Hi." Came the warm response. She stepped into his waiting arms, fighting the sobs that were building up in her chest once more. "I know it's hard, it's okay to feel this way. I'm here for you." He whispered in her hair, holding her tightly to his chest. 

They stood like this until Hayley felt calmer, and was able to compose herself. She pulled away, straightened her hair and wiped her face. Slowly they walked hand in hand to the lounge. And with every step, Hayley felt warmer and brighter on the inside.

She wondered if it was possible for it to be simultaneously the best and worst Christmas of her life.


	11. Chapter 11

"Frank!" Alice's voice cascaded through the halls of the manor house as she threw herself into her boyfriend's arms. 

"I think Frank's here." Sirius laughed to Hayley as they walked towards the entrance to the house where all the commotion was taking place. Frank was here by invitation for the New Year's celebrations in a few days. He was an old school friend of the boys, and of course, Alice's beloved, who had arrived for the Christmas sleepover and was staying until New Years Day. 

"James, how you doing man, I hear you finally got Lily Evans!" James was pulled into a half hug by the tall man standing by Alice.

"Hey Frank, heard you got in as an Auror, congratulations mate." 

"Thanks, it's a trying time for the Ministry, they need as much help as possible, you know you can always join us next year."

"Thinking about it." James responded, stepping aside as Sirius and Hayley rounded the corner hand in hand. 

"So this must be the cousin. Ah, and I see you've managed to catch Sirius Black, nice job. I'm Frank." He offered his hand to Hayley, who shook it firmly.

"Hayley, and you're right, I am James' cousin, unfortunately." She finished the sentence with a laugh, and a teasing smile thrown James' way. "It's nice to finally meet the man Alice is head over heels for." She smiled at her friend who was beaming up at the giant. 

After the introductions were made and old friendships renewed, it was time for dinner.

The dining room was filled with laughter and chatter as everyone was caught up in their conversations with one another over dinner. Hayley felt more alive than she had in weeks. Here she was with her boyfriend, friends, and family, and if she was being honest with herself, this was what she considered to be perfect happiness. She had survived the Christmas period better than she had hoped, and she knew she had a lot of that to thank Sirius for, he was instrumental in getting her through. And now that they were in the weird limbo between Christmas and New Years, she couldn't help but find herself swept up in the festivities. 

Frank stood up, and suddenly the whole room went quiet with all eyes on him.

"First of all I would like to thank our host Mr and Mrs Potter for having us all. And second, I would like to take a minute to appreciate us all being together over the holiday period. We're in troubling times right now, but that hasn't stopped the merriment of this festive time, and I want to say I think that's pretty amazing, and really goes to show how resilient we all are." Everyone cheered, raising a glass at this sentiment. "And lastly," he said, placing his glass back on the table, and getting down on one knee, "Alice, I really love you, and the last few months being apart from you have really proven it to me. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife after graduation?" Alice didn't even hesitate to accept, immediately leaping into his arms. The room burst into celebration, everyone releasing the breaths they had collectively held.

"I'll go get the champagne!" Aunt Euphemia cried, scurrying out of the room, returning shortly with two bottles and a house elf carrying a tray of glasses. "I know most of you are underage, but not for much longer she said as she poured a glass for everyone.

***

The group of friends sat around the large fireplace in the living room, each teen holding a warm mug of Butterbeer to combat the cold on the evening of New Year's Eve. 

"Ten minutes to go!" Remus called as he checked the watch around his wrist. Everyone seemed to liven up a little bit more at this announcement. 

"Yes! I won again!" James yelled in excitement as the intense battle of Wizards Chess came to it's conclusion between James and Lily, while Lily groaned in dissapointment. He may be her boyfriend, but he was far too competitive to take it easy on her. 

Meanwhile Remus and Peter were in arm chairs to one side of the fire debating a point of contention that had cropped up in the assigned holiday reading for Transfiguration. Alice and Frank were cuddled up in a love seat further away from the fire, wrapped up in the bliss of being a newly engaged couple. Sirius and Hayley were taking up the couch in front of the fire, Hayley's head resting on Sirius's lap, lazily staring into the fire. 

"Nine minutes!"

"Seven minutes!"

"Six minutes!"

"Five minutes!" With the five minute mark announced, the group came together. Lily had packed away the game of chess, Remus and Peter had settled the debate with an agreement to disagree. Alice and Frank became aware of everyone else. And Hayley sat up. The conversation turned to what everyone aimed to do or achieve in the new year. 

"Four minutes!" 

"Three minutes!"

"Two minutes!"

"One minute everybody!" Everyone sat staring at Remus with bated breath, as he watched the clock counting down the seconds.

"Ten. Nine. Eight." A fresh round of Butterbeer was passed around. "Seven. Six. Five. Four." Every one was sitting on the edge of their seats. Now everyone had joined in on the counting. 

"Three!"

"Two."

"One!" 

"Happy New Year!" They all shouted as 1978 rolled in.

Hayley felt fireworks exploding inside of her as Sirius kissed her, stealing her breath away. In the moment she felt everything would be okay, as long as she could stay by his side.


	12. Chapter 12

The New Years celebrations carried on until the first light of dawn. This was their last New Years before they were to all venture out into the adult world, and they decided to live it up to the fullest. Breakfast was a subdued affair, the teens yawned into their tea, Lily was onto her third one in short succession, Hayley had switched to coffee, which she found the most effective at keeping her awake. The Potters kept shaking their heads at them all, amused at their foolishness. 

"What are you lot planning to do tommorow?" Euphemia asked, with a meaningful look at Hayley. 

"We're going to visit Diagon Alley, and get some lunch at the Leaky Cauldron." Lily responded, her voice edged with sleepiness.

"Yeah, I'd like to go with everyone this time." Hayley said, beaming around at her friends. "And under happier circumstances." 

"Can't get much happier than your birthday!" Sirius said brightly as he moved in to give Hayley a quick kiss on the cheek. 

The room lapsed into a comfortable silence as breakfast continued. Hayley wasn't certain she'd been awake the whole time, when Sirius gently nudged her, bringing her to her senses and noticed she was the last person seated at the table. 

"Was I sleeping?" She asked as she made to stand up.

"I think we all were for a bit." Sirius replied, leading the way into the hallway. "Everyone else has gone to nap."

"Nap, now that's a good idea!" But try as she might, she could not get to sleep. After lying awake staring at the ceiling for what felt like an hour listening to Sirius lightly snore, she crept out of the room and went down the hall a little way to her own bedroom. She stood in the doorway, surveying her small kingdom. The bed was neatly made, but as she stared at it she began to notice a little bump in the middle of the bed. She noticed a little disturbance in the blanket leading to the lump and chuckled a little under her breath, she knew what had made that lump, it was Trixie, she loved to snuggle under the blankets. She sat on the bed and pet the lump, which responded with a deep purring. 

Hayley sat down at her desk, pulled out a roll of parchment, ink and quill. Taking a deep breath as she dipped her quill into the ink, she paused, then began to write:

Dear Mum

There is so many things I want to say to you, and I wish so dearly that you were here so we could sit down over a coffee and talk like we used to. Things are so strange without you guys, sometimes it still doesn't feel real. I live with Aunt Euphemia now, she was so kind to take me in. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay her kindness. I changed schools, I go to Hogwarts now, it means I'm having to repeat the first half of my final year, but I don't mind. I'm actually enjoying it more than school at home. I have new friends here, of course I have James too, my new friends are actually his friends, which is nice. And my roommates are all lovely, especially Lily, she's James's new girl friend, you know, the girl he was forever going on about. We're all staying here at Aunt Euphemia's for Christmas, it was really great! I just wish you could have been here. I met a boy mum! You wouldn't approve, he's one of James's boys. Actually, you met him, the trouble maker friend that was there last Christmas! He's been helping a lot, with the grief stuff I mean. I miss you. 

Bye mum, I love you.

Hayley put the ink and quill away then carefully folded the letter and shoved it deep into the desk drawer. Shoving the thoughts that had clogged up her mind as she'd written it, she stood up and retrieved a book from the shelf at random, then sat in the armchair in the corner of the room and lost herself in whatever adventure the pages held. 

~*~

"Happy birthday Hayley!" A shout woke her from her deep slumber. 

"It's not my birthday, you were just napping." She grumbled sleepily, eyes still shut.

"No, you slept through dinner, and then some. It's the morning of the second." The annoying voice came again. 

"What?" Hayley asked, her mind becoming clearer as her brain began to catch up. She groaned as she suddenly became aware of the stiffness in her neck and joints. She slowly opened her eyes, letting them adjust to the blazing sunlight. She found she wasn't in bed. She looked down at her lap to see the book she'd been reading, now lying closed. Her sleepy mind made the connection. She'd fallen asleep reading in the armchair then. Her eyes wandered to the clock, it was 9 o'clock. Damn, whoever had woken her had been right, if it had been nine at night it would be dark. Speaking of who had woken her, her eyes wandered the room, settling on the tall figure of James Potter, her cousin, leaning in the doorway. 

"Not one for late nights then." He observed. 

"Not one for drinking on late nights." She replied dryly, stretching as she stood up. 

"Happy birthday Hayz." He repeated now she was awake.

"Oh, yeah, thanks." She said. "Now no offense but scram." She gestured at him to leave.

"Righto, well see you at breakfast." Finally he left her in peace. 

Hayley crossed the room to close the door, then went to look for a decent outfit. At last, showered and dressed, Hayley poked her head into the dining room. It was empty. She continued down the hall to the kitchens in search of some food. 

"Mistress Hayley!" A squeaky voice greeted her. The family's house elf walked a plate full of buttered toast, accompanied by a jar of Marmite to her. 

"Thank you Missy." Hayley said warmly as she accepted the food, she went to sit at the kitchen table. 

"I was worried about you last night when you didn't show up for dinner." Missy squeaked as she returned to the batter she was mixing up.

"I'm sorry Missy, I must have fallen asleep while reading. Turns out coffee wasn't strong enough to keep me awake." She apologised, spreading Marmite thinly on her toast. 

"It's okay, you need your sleep, is very good for you. Master Sirius checked on you. Him and Master James tried to move you, but you wouldn't let them touch you." Missy chuckled. 

"What are you making?" Hayley asked curiously as she watched the house elf work. 

"Your birthday cake of course!" 

"Oh, right."

"Do you have any special requests for dinner?" Hayley considered this for a few minutes.

"Could we have fish and chips? Like home in New Zealand?" She asked finally.

"I can try my best." Missy said nodding her head. 

~*~

At the end of the day, Hayley had to admit that the day had been a blast. They'd visited the joke shop, a sweets shop, the ice cream parlour, Gringotts, to exchange her inherited money into wizarding coin (the one and only responsible task of the day), and had had so much fun in a second hand store they found, reducing each other into fits of laughter trying on the most ridiculous outfit combination possible. At the end of the day, they'd bid farewell to Alice and Frank, who were going home to their families to share the news on their engagement. The fact that Missy had nailed a kiwi style fish and chip dinner was just the cherry on top. 

The remainder of their holiday passed in what felt like a blink of an eye. Hayley felt a twinge of nervousness on the night before they were to return to Hogwarts. What would the other students think about her and Sirius? She knew that a few of the girls in her dorm had a thing for him. 

"Relax Hayley, they dealt with James and I remember." Lily sought to reassure her. But nothing seemed to calm her nerves. She was still the new girl, and felt some people might not be pleased with her swooping in and stealing Sirius over them. Regardless, she still couldn't delay it. 

"Really, no one is going to be too surprised." Lily whispered to her over breakfast next morning. The house was chaos as everyone ran around the house collecting things from other rooms last minute. Finally at half past ten everyone was gathered in the living room with all of their things. 

"Ready to go?" Euphemia asked, looking at them all. "Right, see you on the platform." Then with a loud cracking noise, she disappeared. 

Having been to the hidden platform that the school train left from before, Hayley pictured it as she too Disapparated with a crack of her own. When she opened her eyes she found herself on the smokey platform. It was only slightly less busy than it was at the start of term, families were all around them saying their goodbyes for the rest of the school year. She looked around for her Aunt, she located her standing beside a few of the others. She pulled her trunk towards them, arriving at roughly the same time as the rest, who'd appeared in other areas of the platform.


End file.
